Every so often I try to be adult and look at the state of my finances. However, I always forget that I have more money issues than a Wall Street Journal subscription, and that I’m already instinctively doing okay in terms of savings and such, and that – contrary to what people usually recommend – I actually do better automating all my payments and savings and then otherwise kind of ignoring what my bank account is doing. Bad things do happen – my work accidentally underwithheld my state taxes, and I owe kind of a lot – but I still have the savings to cover that, and will be able to build it back up within a month or so. But the fact that I had to dip into it for any reason is sending me into a “what-if” freakout that leads me to think that I’m going to end up living in a box with a pet rat when I’m 80 – which is kind of an overreaction to having to pay $500 in state tax. Especially when I’m actually getting a federal return of $300.
And then I tried snapping out of it by looking into vacation plans, but a lot of the things I wanted to do are either cost-prohibitive or sold out. I could easily save the money up by July, no problem – but I don’t have the money now. Which just added to the anxiety.
I’ve pretty much come out of the worst of it, and even have a tiny plan to start an “I want to travel” savings account – I already have a “fun stuff” savings account, which my Irish friend kicked me into starting so I would at least have money on hand to go to a damn movie or something once in a while. But the tail end of the bad mood is still there.
Fortunately, though, it’s a rainy day, and I have a lot of baking supplies on hand. So I’ve resolved to bake my way out of this; filling the house with a variety of cakes and muffins and puddings and nibbly cookie things and other treats that can sort of soften life’s blows. I may have to make a tiny grocery run, but I also know that for some reason, money spent on groceries sort of “doesn’t count” (I know it does, but it’s my psychosis, shut up) and it’ll only be a couple things I need to get anyway, only about ten bucks’ worth, and I’ll end up nibbling my way through chocolate and butter and in the meantime my bank account will slowly build back up while I’m distracted elsewhere and it’ll all be just fine.