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There’s A Reason This Isn’t A Fashion Blog

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Thoughts During This Weekend’s Great 24-Hour Wardrobe Overhaulapalooza

  • Shopping actually goes a lot easier when you have a bit of a slogan in mind to describe your style.  Based on what’s in my closet, I think my slogan is “Preppy Sailor In The Bohemian Division of The Hippie Navy”.
  • There is nothing sadder than the one ebay purchase you made on a whim a year ago but then it was too small so you stuck it in your closet in the hopes that maybe one day you would magically start being a person who remembered to exercise and would maybe lose weight.
  • I have a lot of scarves.
  • I set out to buy two specific things – a navy blue blazer and a red and white striped boatneck top.  Both are simple, common items.  Both were offered at the first store I went to – but the red and white striped top was only available in small.  There is no logical justification I can find to explain why none of the other five stores I subsequently went to had anything resembling that item on offer – either the colors were wrong, the sleeves were wrong, or the neck was wrong.  Or there were no striped tops of any description.  785 different kinds of poncho, sure, but no red and white striped boatneck tops.
  • Craziest clothing item I saw – a sweater that looked like the pelt of a Muppet who’d lost its life in a glue-related accident at a rhinestone factory.
  • The layout of H&M stores makes no damn sense.  I see a rack that says “Pants” in big letters, I go to look at the pants – and instead I find tiny tissue-paper dresses and “vintage look” t-shirts.  Another rack with a sign saying “Dresses” actually bears bras.  The pants, I can only assume, must be on a rack labelled “parking meters”, and the dresses on a rack saying “Beware of the Pirhana”.
  • I have never understood why women try to bring their boyfriends shopping with them.  Every department store I go to, I always see this sad cluster of guys sitting outside the dressing room, looking bored out of their minds; or I see a woman eagerly pawing through the racks, turning now and then to a guy behind her who’s got a thousand-yard stare and asking him, “what do you think of this, do you like it?” and he grunts something in response.  Ladies – they don’t want to shop with you.  Accept it.  And no, they’re not giving their real opinion of the outfit you’re trying on – they’re just saying whatever will get them the hell out of there fastest.  Seriously, do yourself and him a favor and leave the guy at home.
  • I have a lot of scarves.
  • There has got to be some kind of paper about the herd mentality which uses teenage girls in shopping centers as their case study.
  • I was going to be so organized about my wardrobe.  Really, I was – taking pictures of the outfits I liked, trying everything on, carefully noting how this shirt went with that pants and those shoes, but after getting everything out of my closet and laying it out on the sofa…I was already getting bored.  I made myself check out a few options, tried on a bunch of things that I was suspicious were getting too small, packed away a couple things I was pretty sure I wouldn’t wear again this season, and then hung everything back up again.  I’ve already largely forgotten most of the “new outfit ideas” I came up with only an hour later.  Fortunately, that navy blazer mixes in well and I do remember about a week and a half’s worth of outfits I can get just from that, so that’s a bit of progress.
  • I did also use the time to exile some things to the laundry.  I may have only the vaguest ideas what to wear that floral-pattern blouse with, but it’ll be a clean floral-pattern blouse.
  • Really, the biggest problem with any outfit browsing these days is that I need to take the shoes into consideration.  A lot of what I was coming up with wouldn’t work with the waterproof clog-like things I’ve been wearing since mid-January because they’re the dressiest snow-friendly shoes I own.
  • No, seriously, I have a lot of scarves.
  • The maximum amount of time I can send thinking about clothes seems to be about four hours before I start thinking things like oh who the hell cares it is just a pair of pants all it’s really supposed to do is cover your butt it is not supposed to be an artistic statement.
  • I still probably have more clothes than I should.  But I am pretty sure that I have about a months’ worth of outfits in there, none of which involve jeans, and all of which can be definitely worn to work.
  • And a lot of scarves.

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