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Doldrums

Good God I hate January sometimes.

My energy takes a major downswing in January each year – it’s actually been down for the past few years, but it always ebbs way back right about now, as I go into a post-holiday crash.  It’s all down to fatigue – I’ve been in a low-energy state for the past few years as it is, due to some bad life juju (finally on the way out, ThankyoubabyJesus), but have always  managed to perk up a bit for the holidays – and to then crash back right after.

At first it’s just fine.  I revel in not having shopping to do or people to visit or errands to run, I can sleep late and just eat leftover cookies instead of trying to bake them and spend my days inside curled up in my jammies all cozy, taking a deep breath after the mayhem of the weeks prior.

But then that drags on for the whole month. I’ve already read most of the books I’ve wanted to read, TV is boring, my roommates look at me funny because I’m usually at home on my ass, and I start wondering whether I should make a doctors’ appointment to discuss my low energy and my lack of concentration and then I look at the calendar and think oh yeah, right, and then in February that starts to change and I start to feel the energy come back.

I’ve started to realize that the sun has a lot to do with it. The sun is at its lowest ebb now – it’s dark out when I wake up, and dark out when I am heading home from the subway. What little sunlight I see is through a window at work.  Whereas in spring and summer, I’m sometimes up before my alarm, as the dawn light slithers through my blinds, and I’m often walking home from the subway rather than taking the bus, just feeling the sun on my face as I walk.  But now, I’m more likely to keep hitting the snooze alarm each morning, not really able to get going until the sun barely starts coming up.

And the hell of it is, I forget all of this every year. I get to this point and every year I worry about how lazy and logy I am – and every year I finally remember that no, it’s just January, it’ll pass.  Which means this ebb is affecting my brain as well.

I’m seriously starting to think I should look into the possibility of hibernation for a solid month after Christmas.  I’d probably be much better off.

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