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On Self-Expression

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There’s something I’m trying to write today that’s been slow going.  It’s something I’ve only tried once before, and I did a bit of a half-assed job of it; which is one of the reasons I’m trying again.

It’s also drawing on a somewhat more personal side of myself and some more personal words than usual (that’s why I’m being all vague and am most likely making everyone ask “just spit it out and tell us what you’re writing already”). Good and positive, but still…private. I’m finding myself having trouble typing words that I only recently felt comfortable saying.  But that’s exactly what went wrong the first time – I chickened out and it fell short.

There is literally zero risk in this, too.  No one is asking this of me, and I am most likely not going to show what I’m working on to anyone except for one or two people.  Maybe. I dunno.  But sometimes, some topics and some words are so laden with power that even just introducing them into the room feels about as attention-seeking as bouncing in a Zorb down Broadway during rush hour accompanied by a brass band playing Daft Punk or something, and your mind backs away and you think “now, wait, let’s think about this.”  And you back off and do something else.  Something, anything else.  I’ve been meaning to get going on this for the past 3 hours and instead I’ve vacuumed my apartment, made my bed, updated Facebook and made two completely different kinds of cocktail peanuts.  This post is yet another delaying tactic.

But that is precisely the biggest reason why I should write this, is because I’m avoiding it so much.  It expresses a side of me that I like; I’m private with it, but I like it.  It deserves a seat at the writing table.

 

….Okay, I’m goin’ in.

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